hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Randomize
