lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
