Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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