1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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