last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
