i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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