1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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