He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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