captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
