listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
