He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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