You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
