Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
