I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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