and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
