You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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