I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
