My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
