When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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