Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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