I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think my tv is drunk
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This house was built for laser tag.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
