I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
