I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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