She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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