So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
