Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
