tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
