Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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