I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
