if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
