Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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