So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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