Can Purell be used as lube?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
