You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
