I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
