On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
