What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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