the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
