john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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