He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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