She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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