You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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