He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
