holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
