The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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