i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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