You're completely useless in the revolution.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
