I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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