dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
wow bdsm is so cute
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