you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
