remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
