you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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