Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
