Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
