At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
