Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We need to rekindle our bromance
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
