I skipped work to stalk him.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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