uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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