Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
