My first STD was from a foam party
Please, let me fuck your mom
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Actions speak louder than pants.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
