this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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