Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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