Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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