yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol