Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level