Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.

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  (949): Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old (503): You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24. http://tfl.nu/2eqo
  Replies (7) Good night (756) Bad night (1083)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased

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  (617): Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased http://tfl.nu/sw63
  Replies (19) Good night (3749) Bad night (896)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.

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  (386): totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen. http://tfl.nu/yxbj
  Replies (43) Good night (2862) Bad night (1066)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.

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  (978): why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk. http://tfl.nu/9kux
  Replies (19) Good night (694) Bad night (2855)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

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  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (11579) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I used to practice getting hit by cars.

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  (352): I used to practice getting hit by cars. http://tfl.nu/t3x2
  Replies (23) Good night (2252) Bad night (3419)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.

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  (248): Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam. http://tfl.nu/6oxt
  Replies (17) Good night (4266) Bad night (1225)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.

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  (615): That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly. http://tfl.nu/01h2
  Replies (7) Good night (1920) Bad night (617)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.

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  (763): After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer. http://tfl.nu/6vsc
  Replies (9) Good night (1226) Bad night (545)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now

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  (604): I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now http://tfl.nu/aqb9
  Replies (11) Good night (1888) Bad night (470)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid

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  (732): So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid http://tfl.nu/ju72
  Replies (5) Good night (518) Bad night (1304)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (919): Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/9jhi
  Replies (8) Good night (386) Bad night (901)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse

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  (401): Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse http://tfl.nu/uyp3
  Replies (2) Good night (952) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.

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  (440): The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch. http://tfl.nu/uy0f
  Replies (2) Good night (801) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".

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  (440): My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted". http://tfl.nu/wdt8
  Replies (4) Good night (710) Bad night (160)

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