Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...

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  (631): I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms... http://tfl.nu/vz7o
  Replies (27) Good night (1847) Bad night (2433)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?

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  (202): like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"? http://tfl.nu/e2lv
  Replies (36) Good night (590) Bad night (3104)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.

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  (508): Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it. http://tfl.nu/eqxg
  Replies (34) Good night (1069) Bad night (3092)
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  (716): View more from New York

  you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority

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  (716): you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority http://tfl.nu/980f
  Replies (27) Good night (5200) Bad night (2078)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good

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  (217): just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good http://tfl.nu/mlgi
  Replies (6) Good night (4747) Bad night (1020)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.

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  (570): knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that. http://tfl.nu/tu47
  Replies (6) Good night (1640) Bad night (1263)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday

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  (630): If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday http://tfl.nu/2qux
  Replies (1) Good night (1362) Bad night (581)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.

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  (612): I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms. http://tfl.nu/079r
  Replies (31) Good night (3044) Bad night (693)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..

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  (501): I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half.. http://tfl.nu/kmcb
  Replies (2) Good night (826) Bad night (457)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  7) Noodle arms: engage

  (269): View more from Michigan

  The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.

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  (269): 1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all. (269): 7) Noodle arms: engage (269): The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right. http://tfl.nu/5w2m
  Replies (8) Good night (1559) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean

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  (518): I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean http://tfl.nu/nhpo
  Replies (2) Good night (1661) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.

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  (425): Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you. http://tfl.nu/jvnn
  Replies (3) Good night (1560) Bad night (394)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.

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  (407): I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case. http://tfl.nu/43fa
  Replies (6) Good night (761) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Daily.

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  (702): Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision (970): Daily. http://tfl.nu/0fgj
  Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.

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  (724): At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped. http://tfl.nu/hng6
  Replies (0) Good night (538) Bad night (451)

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