so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.