Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."