I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Couch. On fire.
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