it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
