This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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