You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My dick has a subreddit
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
