I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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