she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
