Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
