Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
