Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
