Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
